why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
