I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
