opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
