I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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