she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
