Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
