I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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