He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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