Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
