I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper