I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?