wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right