Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.

  (936): View more from Texas

  haha now u have to piss out ur bum

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  (281): I definitely just put my boxers on backwards. (936): haha now u have to piss out ur bum http://tfl.nu/xfh5
  Replies (10) Good night (1093) Bad night (484)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (2888) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up

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  (330): Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up http://tfl.nu/ip0y
  Replies (13) Good night (592) Bad night (2976) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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  (612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr
  Replies (11) Good night (3655) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

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  (617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7
  Replies (23) Good night (10278) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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  (479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c
  Replies (4) Good night (2744) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

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  (810): You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored. http://tfl.nu/wqg4
  Replies (11) Good night (2768) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.

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  (+61): we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together. http://tfl.nu/r78i
  Replies (6) Good night (3393) Bad night (508)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.

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  (609): That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night. http://tfl.nu/lop5
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.

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  (901): She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/lor2
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You might end up in the wrong class.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.

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  (910): Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class? (919): You might end up in the wrong class. (910): I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class. http://tfl.nu/dnad
  Replies (8) Good night (1807) Bad night (398)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?

  (518): View more from New York

  Its called bad cop laid cop.

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  (315): Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for? (518): Its called bad cop laid cop. http://tfl.nu/7dnl
  Replies (9) Good night (3664) Bad night (534)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.

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  (757): Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change. http://tfl.nu/iak2
  Replies (4) Good night (476) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation

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  (931): My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation http://tfl.nu/stoh
  Replies (2) Good night (480) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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  (319): I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you. http://tfl.nu/2phb
  Replies (6) Good night (448) Bad night (125) Order T-Shirt

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