You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
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Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.