What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear