I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives