why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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