He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
