Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go