Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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