I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
