Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.