her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
