Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize