I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
