I just saw a hot homeless man
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
