Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
