I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
