You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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