im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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