Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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