sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
