He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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