this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize