Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
