just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
