i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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