Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
