made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
