i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
