you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
