Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
