Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're like the curious george of whores
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
