We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
