His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
