My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
