Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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