just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
