He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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