Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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