Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
