She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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