I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
