fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
