if only i could text you this smell
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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