You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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