I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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