i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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