Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
