Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
