covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
