I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
