In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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