I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drake has all the answers
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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