My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
