I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
