is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
