I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
