I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
