Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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