Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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