ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
