Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
