i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want to be your penis for a week.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
