every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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