so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
