Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
