cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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