im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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