It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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