She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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