Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
