"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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