Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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