Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
