you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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