mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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