dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
