I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please come you make the beer taste better
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
