Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
